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The 2009 Hater Guide

  • 16 April 2009
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  • Feature

We love to educate you snowboarders a bit, since there are a few who don’t understand what snowboarding is about. Snowboarding is about showing off, telling people you can do better, are better and especially hate on anything you are not familiar with.

You might think haterism has been a part of snowboarding since the coming of the online communities but this side activity saw the light 2 decades ago. Remember the resorts banning all snowboarders? That was one of the first noticed hater actions. With other words, if you are a hater you are nothing better than the hater skiers from back in the day. But you don’t give a donkeyshit because you didn’t start snowboarding to make friends. Otherwise you would have joined the scouts.

Okay this is taking us way too far from the actual topic.

Let’s start.

1. First of all you need internet, which is pretty obvious because the hater part of snowboarding takes place on the world wide web, unless you’re a real douche. To get started it’s better to train yourself on the internet. When you’ve booked online success you can try it in real life.

2. Find a good source to hate on. There are tons of snowboard related websites, local, international, good, bad. So there’s tons of content/videos to hate on. There’s enough place for anybody, no worries. A very common website for hater people is Transworld Snowboarding.

Maybe you know better sources than we do, in that case we can congratulate you with the start of being the wise haterguy.

3. That brings us to the next point of becoming a hater. There are different kinds of haters, it’s up to yourself to see which one fits you the best. Or make a combination. For example the wiseguy, the retard and the copycat. It’s pretty obvious how these haters act.

4. You don’t want to get caught on the slopes and get beaten up by the guys you are hating on. Especially in the beginning you need to be sure you are posting anonymous. Don’t let anybody be able to trace your haterspot, that might hurt your reputation. When you are hating people often start recognizing your writing style and interpunction. Try to keep that in mind and experiment with different capitalizations and other keyboard related stuff.

5. We are getting there! But there are still a few things you need to know before entering the arena. We already told you becoming a good hater requires practice. Without the practice you are nowhere, unless you got talent but there are only a few guys and girls out there who have it. The chance that you are one of them is very small, let us say 1 on 1000 snowboarders. And since our crew consists of 3 snowboarders we can tell you that 3000 of our visitors are not talented, do the math. Anyway here are a few tips for practicing. Practice on your jokes, making fun of people is a very easy one but very effective. Don’t forget about the language you use; people won’t take your hatermail serious if you talk dummie snowboard slang, believe us.

That’s not all! There are some other things you need to keep in mind while hating.

– It’s easier to use different usernames. You can make your comments look better and hotter by giving props on your own comments with another username.

– You are better and prettier. When you know you’re not, better tell them you know people who are. A friend, uncle, aunt, grandpa or whatever.

– When the action is too good to hate on start hating on details. Music, edit, clothing or other comments for instance. (see the holy inspiration list)

– Never be sorry. You will loose kudo’s. Saying that you are sorry can kill you. Never use the sorry word, NEVER!

6. That’s pretty much all you as a dummie hater need. We can keep on going giving you haterhints and hatertips but now it’s up to you. Give it a try. YOU ARE READY FOR IT!

But there’s more to come! Get down..

Hating is so legit right now.

Your holy inspiration list

Some days it’s hard to find inspiration. You’re reading or watching videos but nothing in your head that tells you what to hate, we call this the hatersblock. It’s a very common thing for beginners. Since this is the haters guide we give you a list with issues to hate on when you have a hatersblock. Ask yourself these questions to get that mainframe in your haterheads started. Think of it as digital hater-aid.

Clothing
– How are they dressed up?
– Do you like hippies, gangsters, mainstreamsters, gipsies or maybe even emo-thugs?
– Are they over-dressed for the tricks they pop?

Style & Tricks
– Do you like their style?
– Is their stance too narrow or too wide?
– Can you do it better or do you have a friend/relative who can do better?

Fun
– Are they having too much fun and does it affect their riding?
– Are they having fun or is it too serious?
Fun?

Brands
– Are they corporate?
– Is it a marketing trick?
– Does he or she deserve to be sponsored?
– You see any foul displayment of energy drink logo’s? (Hating on energy drinks is called this Hatorade.)

OHH!
We are not responsible for any physical, mental or reputation damage. Using this guide is at own risk.

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